Hey, I Didn't Say It!

Quotes by various people from various walks of life on various topics....

Nothing is said that has not been said before. - Terence (185-159 B.C.)

It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. - Winston Churchill

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. - Robert Benchley

We should never hesitate to listen to a fool about life because life is pretty foolish as far as I can tell. - P.J. O'Rourke

Without fools there would be no wisdom. - anonymous

I've been around. I know what I know. - Robert Fulghum

What do you know, for sure? - Gene Siskel

What are we pretending not to know here? - David Geffen

A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to. - Granville Hicks

Too clever is dumb. - German proverb

Stupid is as stupid does. - "Forrest Gump" (Tom Hanks), from Forrest Gump

I used to be "with it". But then they changed what "it" was. Now what I'm "with" isn't "it", and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me. - "Abraham Simpson", from The Simpsons

I like my apartment. It's just big enough to lay my hat and a few friends. - "Dorothy Parker" (Jennifer Jason Leigh), from Mrs. Parker And The Vicious Circle

Life must of been a lot simpler when the Indians ran this country. - Forrest Gump (as written by Winston Groom)

America is one of the finest countries anyone ever stole. - Bobcat Goldthwait

The United States is a nation of laws, badly written and randomly enforced. - Frank Zappa

The 100% American is 99% an idiot. - George Bernard Shaw

Americans are precisely what we are not and don't wish to be. - Robertson Davies (a Canadian)

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. - E.B. White

I've only met four perfect people in my life and I didn't like any of them. - anonymous

When you are feelin' really down, read the Book of Job, and see what that sombitch had to go through! - Forrest Gump (as written by Winston Groom)

Only dead fish swim with the stream. - anonymous

You say that I can do what I want ... I'm not that strong. - Art Bergmann, from "Ruin My Life"

Never believe anything until it has been officially denied. - Claud Cockburn

"What makes you so sure [he] is a Communist?"
"You never heard him denying it until we began accusing him, did you?" - Joseph Heller, from Catch-22

Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to un-ring a bell. - Shana Alexander

If there is another way to skin a cat, I don't want to know about it. - Steve Kravitz

Liberation, I guess, is everybody getting what they think they want, without knowing the whole truth. Or in other words, liberation finally amounts to being free from things we don't like in order to be enslaved by things we approve of. - Robert Fulghum

People say the earth is round. But you don't have to believe it if you don't want to. - Forrest Gump (as written by Winston Groom)

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Scott Beach's grandfather

Did the sun miss the stars? Did Jackson miss ssissippi? Cain miss Abel? Little miss muffet? Chris miss cheer? - "Robert Benchley" (Campbell Scott), from Mrs. Parker And The Vicious Circle

I'll carry your books; I'll carry a tune; I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash & carry, "Carry Me Back To Old Virginia"; I'll even Hari Kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun. - "Hawkeye Pierce" (Donald Sutherland), from M*A*S*H

A hypocrite is a person who - but who isn't? - Don Marquis

There's a great woman behind every idiot. - John Lennon, speaking about Yoko Ono

You heard about fury and a woman scorned, haven't you? Well, that's nothing compared to the fury of a woman who has been cheated out of tricks or treats. - "Linus Van Pelt" (Chris Shea), from It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

Keep your stick on the ice. - "Red Green" (Steve Smith)

There's 50 000 people in Hollywood that don't know anything about making movies. Three more won't make a difference. - Moe Howard

You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need. - Mick Jagger / Rolling Stones, from "You Can't Always Get What You Want"

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen

Everyone talks about how great Beethoven was. Beethoven wasn't so great. He never got his picture on bubble gum cards, did he? Have you ever seen his picture on a bubble gum card? Hmm? How can you say someone is great who's never had his picture on bubble gum cards? - "Lucy Van Pelt", from A Charlie Brown Christmas

I happened to catch my reflection the other day when I was polishing my trophies, and, gee, it's easy to see why women are nuts about me. - Tom Ryan

Don't be humble. You're not that great. - Golda Meir

Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling. - anonymous

There's a hell of a difference between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply callisthenics with words. - Dorothy Parker

I don't feel good. - "famous last words" of Luther Burbank

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something. - "famous last words" of Pancho Villa

It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life. - Irish proverb

I can turn on anyone just like I turned on you. - W. Axl Rose / Guns N' Roses, from "Rocket Queen"

If you turn me on to anything you better turn me on tonight. - W. Axl Rose / Guns N' Roses, from "Rocket Queen"

In every fat book there is a thin book trying to get out. - anonymous [The Stand comes to mind - S.B.]

When you said that I wasn't worth talking to, I had to take your word on that. - Liz Phair, from "Divorce Song"

You know I never could say anything in twenty words or less. - Johnette Napolitano / Concrete Blonde, from "Little Conversations"

It's really hard to be roommates with people if your suitcases are much better than theirs. - Holden Caulfield (as written by J.D. Salinger), from Catcher In The Rye

I drink to make other people more interesting. - George Jean Nathan

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy. - Tom Waits

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. - Clarence Darrow

The difference between Los Angeles and yoghurt is that yoghurt has an active, living culture. - anonymous

Calvin: Do you believe in evolution?
Hobbes: No.
Calvin: You don't think humans evolved from monkeys?
Hobbes: I sure don't see any difference.
     - Bill Watterson, from Calvin And Hobbes

The future isn't what it used to be. - anonymous

I don't like any of my loved ones. - Daniel M. Wegner

What a morbid thing to ask someone. You've just stolen my heart. - "Dorothy Parker" (Jennifer Jason Leigh), when asked what she'd like to have written on her tombstone, from Mrs. Parker And The Vicious Circle

Shut up he explained. - Ring Lardner

I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother. - Charles Pierce

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