Hey, I Didn't Say It!
Page 3

If you want to wear a hat, do it in the privacy of your own home. - Forrest Gump (as written by Winston Groom)

There is no classroom demonstration so riveting as one in which the teacher may die. - Jearl Walker

A motion to adjourn is always in order. - anonymous

Take your time [or] hurry up. The choice is yours. Don't be late. - Kurt Cobain / Nirvana, from "Come As You Are"

The problem with being avant-garde is knowing who's putting on who. - Calvin (as written by Bill Watterson), from Calvin And Hobbes

This is off our first record. Most people don't own it. - Kurt Cobain, expressing his annoyance with fad-followers, introducing a song at a sold-out concert

Hit me with a shovel 'cause I can't believe that I dug you. - Sebastian Bach / Skid Row, from "Creepshow"

A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. - Evan Esar

They called me Eddie. - Ed Robertson / Barenaked Ladies, from "Grade 9"

Stop making me feel bad about the way I look. Stop it TV and stop it movies. And until, as women, we all say, "No, we're not gonna starve ourselves," nothing's gonna change. We're our own worst enemies most of the time but I still blame men. - Janeane Garofalo

I'm just a person trapped in a woman's body. - Elaine Boosler

All cats are gray in the dark. - Benjamin Franklin

What horseshit - with apologies to the horses. - "Dorothy Parker" (Jennifer Jason Leigh), from Mrs. Parker And The Vicious Circle

Always yield to temptation, for it may not pass your way again. - anonymous

Everything I know I learned from TV. - Tom Barrett

All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten. - Robert Fulghum

All I need to know I learned from my cat. - Suzy Becker

All I need to know about life I learned from Star Wars. - Star Wars Trilogy poster

I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other; I've seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen anything to make me believe there's one all-powerful Force controlling everything. - "Han Solo" (Harrison Ford), from Star Wars

Charlotte Hayes Humbert: Do you believe in God?
Humbert Humbert: The question is, does God believe in me.
- from Lolita

[Do] you believe in God? [I'll] wait ten seconds [to] see if God saves you. - hitman "Joshua Shapira" (Tim Roth), to a man praying for his life, ten seconds before shooting him, from Little Odessa

I told the priest, "Don't plan on any second coming. God got his ass kicked the first time he came down here slumming. He had the balls to come, the gall to die and then forgive us. No I don't wonder why; I wonder what he thought that'd get us." - Andy Prieboy, from "Tomorrow Wendy"

If God lived on Earth, people would break his windows. - Jewish proverb

"Sir, we ought to teach the people that they are doing wrong in worshipping the images and pictures in the temple."
Ramakrishna: "That's the way with you Calcutta people: you want to teach and preach. You want to give millions when you are beggars yourselves.... Do you think God does not know that he is being worshipped in the images and pictures? If a worshipper should make a mistake, do you not think God will know his intent?" - from The Gospel Of Sri Ramakrishna

If God had a face, what would it look like? And would you wanna see, if seeing meant that you would have to believe...? - Joan Osborne, from "One Of Us"

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic. - Lily Tomlin

Only God says "jump" so I set the time. 'Cause if he ever saw it was through these eyes of mine. And if he ever suffered it was me who did his cryin'. - Johnette Napolitano, from "Tomorrow Wendy"

He was a wise man who invented God. - Plato

I am God. - (Alec Baldwin), from Malice

"You think you're God?"
"I've got to model myself after someone." - dialogue from Manhattan

Emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is godliness and god is empty just like me. - Billy Corgan / Smashing Pumpkins, from "Zero"

Hoky religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side. - "Han Solo" (Harrison Ford), from Star Wars

Note to self: religon - freaky. - "Buffy Summers" (Sarah Michelle Gellar), from Buffy The Vampire Slayer

There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and The Great Pumpkin. - "Linus Van Pelt" (Chris Shea), from It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

Not in the face! Not in the face! - "Arthur", suggested battle cry, from The Tick

An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. - Ambrose Bierce

When someone says "That's a good question," the question is sure to be better than the answer you're going to get. - Jim L. Morrill

Might as well go for a soda: nobody hurts and nobody cries. Might as well go for a soda: nobody drowns and nobody dies. - Kim Mitchell, from "Go For Soda"

Anything free is worth what you pay for it. - anonymous

I think conversation should be kept to a minimum until afternoon. - Hobbes (as written by Bill Watterson), from Calvin And Hobbes

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein

If they don't stop allowing foreigners into this country right now I will move to a country where they allow no immigrants. - anonymous

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance. - anonymous

First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me. - Pastor Niemoeller (a victim of Hitler's Nazis)

If you want to be popular, do not engage in child molestin' or line dancin'. - Forrest Gump (as written by Winston Groom)

It's really too bad that so much crumby stuff is a lot of fun sometimes. - Holden Caulfield (as written by J.D. Salinger), from Catcher In The Rye

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. - anonymous

Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough it's almost like depth. - "Daria Morgendorfer", from Daria

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. - Mae West.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. - anonymous

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am." - Ambrose Bierce

Do not drink coffee in early A.M. It will keep you awake until noon. - anonymous

Today for show and tell, I've brought a tiny marvel of nature: a single snowflake. I think we might all learn a lesson from how this utterly unique and exquisite crystal turns into an ordinary, boring molecule of water, just like every other one, when you bring it in the classroom. - Calvin (as written by Bill Watterson), giving a sly analogy of school, from Calvin And Hobbes

Wonder is what sets us apart from other life forms. No other species wonders about the meaning of existence or the complexity of the universe or themselves. - Herbert W. Boyer

Snow is God's way of telling people to slow down and rest and stay in bed for a day. - Robert Fulghum

Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted. - anonymous

[It] works for me. - "Hunter" (Fred Dryer), from Hunter

I've never had a lesbian experience but I think that's just because I never went to college. - Bonnie McFarlane

Don't try to have the last word. You might get it. - anonymous

You think you're so smart but I've seen you naked. - Steven Page / Barenaked Ladies, from "Blame It On Me"

Down with categorical imperatives! - anonymous

Feminism is the radical notion that women are people. - anonymous

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