Hey, I Didn't Say It!
Page 5

People with red hair are supposed to get mad very easily, but Allie never did, and he had very red hair. I'll tell you what kind of red hair he had. I started playing golf when I was only ten years old. I remember once, the summer I was around twelve, teeing off and all, and having a hunch that if I turned around all of a sudden, I'd see Allie. So I did, and sure enough, he was sitting on his bike outside the fence - there was this fence that went all around the course - and he was sitting there, about a hundred and fifty yards behind me, watching me tee off. That's the kind of red hair he had. - Holden Caulfield (as written by J.D. Salinger), from Catcher In The Rye

It is bad luck to be superstitious. - Andrew W. Mathis

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. - anonymous

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. - anonymous

If I take off my clothes my carefully contrived image goes. - Carole Pope / Rough Trade, from "Fashion Victim"

I wish I did speak another [language]. Well, I don't wanna brag - I do speak Pig Latin. I'm not fluent, but if I ever went there I'm pretty sure I could get by. - Bonnie McFarlane

It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. - "Canada Bill" Jones

There's a sucker born every minute. - P.T. Barnum

Do not suck your thumb - or anybody else's for that matter. - Forrest Gump (as written by Winston Groom)

It's a poor workman who blames his tools. - anonymous

It's always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about. - anonymous

Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage. - anonymous

In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the very long term, I know which will make better memories. - Calvin (as written by Bill Watterson), from Calvin And Hobbes

Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. - anonymous

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. - Mark Twain

The Greeks don't want no freaks. - Don Henley / Eagles

I don't know how much more of this I can take - washing every dish, doing laundry, cleaning up constantly after myself. I mean, who lives like that? - "Sharon Carter" (Traylor Howard), from Two Guys, A Girl And A Pizza Place

Never call a man a fool; borrow from him. - anonymous

No generalization is true - not even this one. - anonymous

Do not play the piano with jelly on your fingers. Also, do not play the saxophone with jelly in your mouth. - Forrest Gump (as written by Winston Groom)

No one ever listened himself out of a job. - Calvin Coolidge

I feel a big sneeze welling up ... which is always a sure sign that I'm not carrying a handkerchief. - Calvin (as written by Bill Watterson), from Calvin And Hobbes

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. - anonymous

God does not play dice with the universe. - Albert Einstein

Not only does God play dice with the universe, but sometimes he throws them where they cannot be seen. - Stephen Hawking

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. - anonymous

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. - David Letterman

Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lamp posts - for support rather than illumination. - anonymous

It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. - Fletcher Knebe

A witty saying proves nothing. - Voltaire

Smoking takes ten years off your life. Well, it's the ten worst years isn't it folks? It's the ones at the end. - Denis Leary

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. - anonymous

The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. - Andrew S. Tanenbaum

Oh, what tangled webs we weave
When we first practice to deceive.
- Sir Walter Scott

Patience is something that you admire greatly in the driver behind you but not in the one ahead of you. - anonymous

Predestination was doomed from the start. - anonymous

My goal is not to wake up at 40 with the bitter realization that I've wasted my life in a job I hate because I was forced to decide on a career in my teens. - "Daria Morgendorfer", from Daria

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is. - anonymous

Proper treatment can cure a cold in seven days - but left to itself it'll hang on for a week. - anonymous

Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack. - Richter cartoon caption

I think most hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends. - Hobbes (as written by Bill Watterson), from Calvin And Hobbes

Never read a book that is not a year old. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Read the best books first or you may not have a chance to read them at all. - Thoreau

I'm as pure as the driven slush. - Tallulah Bankhead

The less I behave like Whistler's mother the night before, the more I look like her the morning after. - Tallulah Bankhead

[Gerald] Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

Remember, even if you win the rat race - you're still a rat. - anonymous

Anyone can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. - George Ade

Coming in second just means you're the first loser. - anonymous

Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. I want to be Cary Grant! - Cary Grant

Rosebud! - "Charles Foster Kane" (Orson Welles), from Citizen Kane

No. - Amy Carter (daughter of President Jimmy Carter) when asked if she had any message for the children of America (circa 1976)

Days off. - Spencer Tracy, when asked what he looks for in a script

Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased. - anonymous

Some men are discovered; others are found out. - anonymous

If we can't fix it, it ain't broke. - Lt. Col. Walt Weir, USA

The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning. - Sandy Cooley

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. - anonymous

The best prophet of the future is the past. - anonymous

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. - Helen Keller

The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat. - John McNulty

The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap - anonymous

People ought to be one of two things, young or old. No; what's the good of fooling? People ought to be one of two things, young or dead. - Dorothy Parker, from The Middle Or Blue Period

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