Hey, I Didn't Say It!
Page 7

When I hear someone say they give "110%" to whatever they're doing, it makes me feel good inside, because I know I'm not as big a moron as that person is. - Jim Rosenberg

It loved to happen. - Marcus Aurelius

You ought to see old Phoebe.... She's only ten. She's quite skinny, like me, but nice skinny. Roller-skate skinny. I watched her once from the window when she was crossing over Fifth Avenue to go to the park, and that's what she is, roller-skate skinny. You'd like her. - Holden Caulfield (as written by J.D. Salinger), from Catcher In The Rye

Don't poke sticks at the monkeys. - Forrest Gump (as written by Winston Groom)

In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil. - Eric Tomaszewski of Salt Lake City, Utah.

Everybody's cool in Jamaica - even the bus driver sits at the back of the bus. - Ronnie Edwards

How uncool is David Copperfield? - Janeane Garofalo

There's one golden rule to keep before you: laugh about everything and don't bother yourself about the others! It sounds selfish, but it's honestly the only cure for anyone who has to seek consolation in himself. - Anne Frank, from Anne Frank: The Diary Of A Young Girl (as translated from the Dutch by B.M. Mooyaart-Doubleday)

I try to worry, but I can't. - "Robert Benchley" (Campbell Scott), from Mrs. Parker And The Vicious Circle

A girl can get splinters sliding down a barrister. - "Dorothy Parker" (Jennifer Jason Leigh), from Mrs. Parker And The Vicious Circle

I hate all the rules and organization and teams and ranks in sports. Somebody's always yelling at you, telling you where to be, what to do, and when to do it. I figure when I want that, I'll join the army and at least get paid. - Calvin (as written by Bill Watterson), from Calvin And Hobbes

I got to see a lot of the countryside. We would take these real long walks; and we were always lookin' for this guy named Charlie. - "Forrest Gump" (Tom Hanks) on his experience in Vietnam, from Forrest Gump

Charging a man with murder in this place [Viet Nam] is like handing out speeding tickets at the Indy 500. - "Captain Willard" (Martin Sheen), from Apocalypse Now

One fine morning, take a walk through the big forest until you reach the moor. Then, after walking a while in the heather, sit down somewhere and do nothing. Only look at the blue sky and the trees, and you will gradually feel peaceful inside and realize that nothing is so hopelessly bad that something can't be done to improve it - even a little. - Anne Frank, giving advice to follow when you are lonesome or sad, from her fable The Fairy (as translated from the Dutch by Michel Mok)

Well, pardon my pussy. - "Dorothy Parker" (Jennifer Jason Leigh), from Mrs. Parker And The Vicious Circle

No one wants advice - only corroboration. - John Steinbeck

It's nice to be in a tree. - tag line for Treehouse TV commercial

Being up in a tree is worth all the trouble, though. It's falling down out of a tree that is a loser. Especially if you bruise your brain. When I landed, I saw double for a while, which was interesting. Then I threw up, which is never interesting at all. - Robert Fulghum

There is really nothing you must be.
And there is nothing you must do.
There is really nothing you must have.
And there is nothing you must know.
There is really nothing you must become.
However. It helps to understand that fire burns, and when it rains, the earth gets wet....
- anonymous

It is silly to fight with people about whom you feel indifferent. To differ with people for whom you care is another story. You are fond of them, and it hurts you more than it angers you when they provoke you. - Anne Frank, from her essay Happiness (as translated from the Dutch by Michel Mok)

I can't think of another actor who achieved stardom so quickly, who held it for such a short time and then kept it for such a long time. - Leonard Maltin, about James Dean, who became a star in one calendar year

I swear I don't have a gun. - Kurt Cobain / Nirvana, from "Come As You Are" (circa 1991)

We know all the suicides are fake. - Sting / The Police, from "Synchronicity II"

My work is done, why wait? - George Eastman, in his suicide note

Sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking into spiderwebs. - Gwen Stefani / No Doubt, from "Spiderwebs"

I'm out deliberately avoiding your call. - answering machine message from Carrie Fisher's Postcards From The Edge

I'm a lot of feathers and not much chicken. - Kim Mitchell, from "I Am A Wild Party"

I don't want clever conversation; I never want to work that hard. - Billy Joel, from "Just The Way You Are"

If you try to hold my hand I'll slug you! - "Sally Brown" (Cathy Steinberg), from It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

It's not about food, is it? - Kurt Cobain, when "Weird Al" Yankovic asked for permission to record his parody of "Smells Like Teen Spirit"

There's a hole in my jeans I only wanted to fade. - Melissa Etheridge, from "Ain't It Heavy"

     Behind him, just then, Franny blew her nose with guileless abandon; the report was considerably louder than might have been expected from so fine and delicate-appearing an organ. Zooey turned around to look at her, somewhat censoriously.
     Franny, busy with several folds of Kleenex, looked at him. "Well, I'm sorry," she said. "Can't I blow my nose?"
     "You finished?"
     "Yes, I'm finished! My gosh, what a family. You take your life in your hands if you just blow your nose."
          - Buddy Glass (as written by J.D. Salinger), from Franny & Zooey

As a hockey player, I'm pretty good. But as an actor, I'm a hockey player. - Wayne Gretzky

I'm not an actor I'm a movie star! - "Alan Swann" (Peter O'Toole), from My Favorite Year

Come on try to shut me up. - Courtney Love / Hole, from "Gutless"

If you see a guy beatin' his dog, whip his ass on the spot. - Forrest Gump (as written by Winston Groom)

I don't know how he's going to feel about an untrained puppy piddling on his rugs. He didn't like it much when a trained one did. - "Dorothy Parker" (Jennifer Jason Leigh), from Mrs. Parker And The Vicious Circle

I think as a matter of principle one should always try to avoid eating one's friends. - "Dr. Dolittle" (Rex Harrison) on why he is a vegetarian, from Doctor Dolittle

Do or do not. There is no try. - "Yoda" (Frank Oz), from The Empire Strikes Back

Why isn't "phonetic" spelled that way? - anonymous

Why does "monosyllabic" have so many syllables? - anonymous

Shouldn't the word "abbreviation" be shorter? - Jeremy Hotz

Shouldn't you be allowed to pee in a kidney-shaped pool? - anonymous

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. - anonymous

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? - anonymous

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. - anonymous

Many a family tree needs trimming. - anonymous

The gene pool could use a little chlorine. - anonymous

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - anonymous

If you could cure cancer by killing one person, wouldn't you have to do that? - "Dr. Lawrence Myrick" (Gene Hackman), from Extreme Measures

Assault lies dormant in us all. - (Spencer Tracy), from Adam's Rib

Lyrics aren't important.... Lyrics don't mean a thing. Lyrics don't matter. I think lyrics are a dead thing. - Me'Shell Ndegeocello

If I were a rich man: yabba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum. All day long I'd bidda bidda bum, if I were a wealthy man. - "Tevye" (Topol), from Fiddler On The Roof ("If I Were A Rich Man")

It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss with all these marbles in my mouth. - "Weird Al" Yankovic, from "Smells Like Nirvana"

Baby baby baby baby oh baby. - Karen Carpenter / The Carpenters, from "Superstar"

No, no, no, no, no, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, baby, yeah. - W. Axl Rose / Guns N' Roses, from "Rocket Queen"

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah. - Joan Osborne, from "One Of Us"

De do do do, de da da da. - Sting / The Police, from "De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da"

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. - Elvis Presley

I'm a New Kid On The Block, though I may not be Johann Sebastian Bach. So we may not write the songs we sing, but look at Elvis, he sold his soul and you crowned him King. - Steven Page / Barenaked Ladies, from "New Kid (On The Block)"

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